My best friend Brian, in his infinite wisdom, decided that he would come up with 10 Thanksgiving tips for everyone this holiday season. Just looking at his tips made me die with laughter, so I thought that (with his permission of course) I would provide them to you all.
- Don't show up to anyone's house (including mine) uninvited. Don't think cuz it's thanksgiving u won't get embarrassed. I will thank God u made it safely and then show you the door.
- Don't go questioning all the food.......If you got to question it, take your hungry and picky behind home and heat up some oodles and noodles.........wit ya picky self.
- Dern it its thanksgiving. Be thankful. Don't be mad because Aunt Luquasia didn't bring the pie...
- Don't go to 8 houses and eat at all 8. That's being fat, not social.....
- Don't go to someones house with the intention of wrapping food to go. There is a 45 minute visit time minimum to become eligible for a to go plate.
- If u like a particular item on the menu, don't try to eat all of it in you first sitting. That's cause for you to get kicked the hell out. You know u wrong for that whole plate of stuffing. I wanted some.
- DO NOT bring ur own plastic wrap to someone elses house. Its ghetto. BUT if you insist on being ghetto raise your standards and bring gladware. Its better for the environment.
- If Aunt Bertha makes a Red Velvet cake that looks like pink cotton or mashed potatoes that look like chunky potato soup. TURN UR PLATE DOWN. GOD IS NOT PLEASED.Ur health is more important than her feelings.
- If you get sick, don't blame it on that last corn kernel. Blame it on that 8th meal u just ate wit ya fat tail. U really want me to believe a corn kernel put u over the top.
- If a family member is Not saved, wears dentures, has an oral disease, or is just plain nasty don't let them pray over the food. If they do pray and aren't saved, the family needs to pray harder. For all other discrepancies tell them to pray in their secret closet.
::BONUS TIP::
Don't waste your leftovers. Give them to the homeless. But don't give them something you wouldn't eat. That's some inconsiderate stuff.
....
2 comments:
This is some funny stuff.....
ha Yes it is sir
Post a Comment